Mother’s Day is a great day to honor all the maternal figures who have touched my life but especially my own mother. After having children of my own I now can relate to her more. I am able to look back into the memories of my life and her role as my mother with a new perspective. It took me until my adult years to realize how amazing my mother truly is. When I was an adolescent she was the one who took the brunt of all my emotions; she was the one person that I could be my sorely awful self. Yet she still loved me, heck probably still liked me too. That is the love of a mother that she showed me. However terrible I was to her she saw through it and dealt with my aggressions because she loved me unconditionally.
Some of my childhood difficulties stemmed from growing up in a different culture than my parents and trying to navigate between both views. My parents never fully enculturated in the American culture but adapted enough to live here. My father was strict and regimented where my mother was flexible and understanding. She did not create a barrier between us by forcing a facade of hierarchical respect that is typically in the Korean culture. The kind of barrier where you did not share your true self with each other; an imaginary wall that valued persona higher than authenticity. She allowed me to be me.
It is tough to look back and know how much stress and anguish I must have put her through being an unruly Gemini. I wasn’t a complete deviant but I definitely was not your ideal child in the eyes of Korean society. Thankfully I did not shame my parents but I wish I could have been better. I wish I could have shown more appreciation at an earlier age, grew up quicker, know what I know now. These are not unique wishes but they are still mine.
The only thing to do is be better now. To shower my mother with the appreciation that she deserves not just on Mother’s Day but every day. Today I am reminded to show gratitude for my mother for all of the sacrifices she has made for my family. To thank her for all the life support she has given me over the years. I am truly grateful and only hope that my girls will be impacted by my love for them as I have been by my mother.